ENG 215 FD#3- A Helpful Lie

Kristine Asato

8 November 2010

FD #1           

A Helpful Lie

We take this next step into the world as future leaders.  We will grow into adulthood and parenthood.  Through our future we will be faced with many problems that will question the value of our own ethics.  It is then that we may look back, and remember what it is we have learned.  Little white lies we may have made to friends or teachers have brought us here to the person we are today.  [THESIS] It is the mixture and understanding between a lie and honesty that can create a better future.  [THESIS]

As a child we all grew up around people that we have looked up to and learned from.  As student’s we have done the same.  The chances that our mentors were never completely honest with us, is very high.  But in the end we are better because of it.  Our role models and mentors have taught us valuable lessons, some through lies.  But they also knew how to be honest so that we are better prepared for our future. 

Throughout our younger years, the common lies start out as, there is a Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy are real.  The blunt truth is that our parents did lie to us about these fictional characters.  As we grow older, and are exposed to more of the world, we realize that Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy are in fact fictional.  Thinking about the meaning behind the lies, we are encouraged to lie to our children.  The myth of Santa Clause taught us to be good all year long.  The story about the tooth fairy teaches us to take care of our belongings and we will get rewarded.  The lies of our childhood helped us become better people, and in turn, hopefully better parents. 

As we grew older, we tested the boundaries of our lies, and the rewards of our honesty. In every situation there is a motive to lying and truth.  Growing up we’ve all been there, and as leaders now, we must be able to see what the motivation is.  Some children may see lying as a “temporary shelter from punishment.” states Dr. T. Quek. Dr. Quek goes on to explain that if there is fear in a relationship that causes one to lie, it is important to let it be understood that there are negotiable boundaries.  As future leaders, we must show that we understand and abide by the limitations of said boundaries. As parents, the boundaries are always more flexible.  But as teachers, we are just another test to the next generation.  As teachers, we must tighten those boundaries so that our students are able to enter society with a better understanding of the use of their honesty.

When our children get older, they will enter relationships with other people.  Some intimate, and some merely for company.  If we failed as mentors to teach our children how to be honest, then their relationships with others may be jeopardized. Our children watch what we do with our relationships, and study the way we value each of friendship.  By merely being around others, we are teaching our children.  Since the day they were born, whether they would like to admit it or not, we are our children’s role model. 

One very common example is whether or not you should tell your friend their new girlfriend is a complete cheat and a liar.  In many situations the answer would be to tell your friend everything.  Through an in class discussion, classmate Teryn Tadani goes on to say that “I would rather tell my friend in the beginning before anything gets really serious.” Tadani.  It is always hard to say guarantee whether it is ok to tell the truth or not, because the situations are never the same. The decision will decide the future of both a friendship and an intimate relationship.   But being able to socially analyze this situation and be able to decide whether or not to be honest is a trait that comes from many years of trial and error.  With our help and guidance, our children will be able to make a right decision. 

There may be a situation where it is imperative that our children tell the truth.  Where as sometimes our children may get away with lying, and no one will get hurt. It is because of these situations that we must teach our children not to be afraid of the truth.   As parents and teacher’s we cannot always be there for our children.  We will not be there to hold their hand during their first job interview.  But we can hope that our teachings did not go unheard.  If our children mess up on an interview because they lied, it would fall on us for not teaching them properly.  But being able to know when or how to be honest may get our children a job and will better prepare them for their future.  When our children succeed it is because we succeeded in teaching them the understandings or right and wrong. 

As our children reach adulthood, they will face more complicated problems that we too have faced.  They are dealing with the consequences of truth and a lie.  When a friend asks you a personal question, it is a chance for you either to lie about it or be honest to both your friend and yourself.  For example, a friend asks you “Do you like June?” and you don’t know how to answer.  But confronting even a simple questions like this allows us to, “open a space for the rest of us to confront our own fears and moral shortcuts.”  Schulman.  We faced questions that allowed us to open up even to ourselves.  As our children grow older we must be able to teach them how to be honest with themselves.  

There are many different ways to encourage honesty in our children.  There are books, movies, and activities that can be done.  As the leaders of tomorrow, we must take the initiative to take part in this form of education. Telling the truth all the time is nearly impossible.  But the truth is a very powerful weapon, in the hands of those that know how to use it.  Learning how to lie, and when to be honest is easy with training and practice from the right teachers.  As the future leaders of tomorrow, we must master this art, in order to make our own way into the future.  We must also master it so that we can pass on our knowledge into the future as well.

Quek, Timothy. "The Truth about a Child's Compulsive Lying."  Dr. Timothy K. Quek's Webpage. 8 Apr. 2003. 1 November 2010. <http://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/lies.html>.

Schulman, Miriam.  “Truth and Consequences.”  Markkula Center For Applied Ethics.  2008.  1 November 2010

< http://www.webcitation.org/5iXHGiD2a>

Tadani, Teryn.  Class Discussion.  October 26, 2010

Tsukamoto, Kelli.  Class Discussion.  October 22, 2010

Zak, Dan.  “The Truth About Lying.”  The Washington Post 25 November 2007: The Washington Post Company.  1 November 2010

< http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/21/AR2007112102164.html>

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