ENG 273 FD#3- Everybody Else

Kristine Asato

8 November 2010

FD#3

Everybody Else

I had met them at different times, and in different rooms, but all of them lived in the same place.  I had just gotten a job at a Care Home filled with over two hundred residents.  Each resident that I took care of on my first day was very kind.  I went through the preliminary “how are you doing today” and that was it.  I was so scared I couldn’t think of anything else to talk about.  But I adapted fast, to my surprise, and become more sociable with each resident.  [THESIS] Little did I know how each story behind each resident would change my perspective on people forever.

[THESIS]

With over two hundred residents, I thought it was going to be impossible to remember everyone.   During my first few weeks, I met some of these residents, and got to know them.  I didn’t realize it when I first met them, but they would make a lasting impression on the way I look at people.  I won’t judge first and then rule out whether or not I want to get to know them.  I’ll get to know them, and then I’ll be their friend.  These new friends will share their stories, and invite me into a world more limitless then the little one I currently live in.

The first resident I met was Mr. White.  He was more than a little large around the belly.  I learned that he constantly needed help getting up because he couldn’t manage the weight himself.  As I rolled Mr. White out of bed, his stomach followed like a slow avalanche of molasses.  Not wanting to be rude, I tried not to grunt with the effort of getting him up.  Mr. White on the other hand laughed at my efforts.  As if he knew what I was trying to hold back.  His hearty laugh countered with the putrid smell of urine due to his incontinence.  The smell was like a memory smell.  One when, even after you’ve showered with your best Victoria Secrets bath wash, you still smell it, becoming more of a memory than a smell.  Despite his smell, everyone, residents and faculty alike, always said the same thing “Mr. White is such a nice man.”  And they meant it, to its fullest extent.   

A glass case at the foot of Mr. White’s bed displayed medals whose’ colors were altered from age, and so old you couldn’t even read the inscriptions anymore.  I asked Mr. White about it later and he told me that he was in the Army for twenty-five years.  He went on to share with me that he had been around the world five times.  The succeeding questions lead to these answers.  Mr. White lived in Japan for a few years and couldn’t speak a single word.  His favorite place was Hawaii, which explains why Mr. White chose to retire here.  And finally what he wouldn’t give to do it all over again.

I was warned about my next resident, her name was Mrs. Steel.  Before I had even met her, I had an image set in my head.  This snappy old lady, who wanted things to go exactly her way, and would talk your head right off if you didn’t stop her.  Mrs. Steel was exactly as everyone had said she was.  But they left one thing out.  Of all the residents that said thank you and I appreciate what you do, Mrs. Steel was different.  She remembered everything.  Once I had brought Mrs. Steel lemonade from the kitchen and she thanked me for the effort.  The next day when I took her for her walk, she thanked me again, for going out of my way.  It was here I realized Mrs. Steel was not like the other residents.  She seemed completely alert, almost like I was talking to my parents, who were not touched with dementia or senility. 

Our first walk I took her to the library, where we spent the whole time discussing books.  With every step she groaned with the effort, and the simple act of walking seemed like a marathon of breathing for her.  Mrs. Steel loves coffee, so almost every time I smell a freshly brewed pot I think of her.  She would carry a cup in the compartment of her walker, so the smell literally followed us around.  I never drank coffee, but I imagine the relief she felt when she drank it was probably like hot cocoa on a cold night. 

One morning Mrs. Steel asked me to go out of my way and get this man a cup of coffee.  I was exhausted from earlier that day, and I already had to take care of one resident.  Stubbornly she wouldn’t let me walk on unless I did it, so reluctantly I complied.  To my surprise, the man’s reaction to the single cup of coffee was nothing but appreciation.  The sound of his voice was filled with admiration, and I was his super hero for the day.  I learned something from the difficult Mrs. Steel that day.  Behind her rough exterior, was a woman just trying to do some good.

There is a couple that both need our help in being escorted to places, Mr. and Mrs. Beau.  I enjoyed watching them interact with each other.  Mr. Beau would always put his hand out for his wife.  But when I took it to balance him back to his walker, it was cold, as if his hand needed the warmth of Mrs. Beau to make things better.  A little confused Mr. Beau would look at me and tell me “that’s my wife” his voice strong and assured, and almost protective.  One day I asked Mrs. Beau how long they have been married.  She told me, in her high-pitched foreign accented voice that they were high school sweethearts and had been married for seventy years.  “I never really liked him, but he was very persistent” she continued.  Mrs. Beau then took this opportunity to grab my hand and ask me whether or not I was married.  Her hand was warm from the years of comfort given to her by Mr. Beau.  But when I told her I wasn’t married, she pulled away almost as if the cold from my hands surprised her. 

The next evening, Mr. Beau was going on about his early days.  He was part of the Army for three years, and was married to his wife for fifteen.   Mrs. Beau went on to correct her husband, and with an exasperated breath she tells me without taking her eyes off him “Seventy years is a long time to be married to the same person and still love them.”  And I couldn’t tell whether the look on her face was love, or the calm acceptance that the man she was looking at was no longer the man she had fallen in  love with. 

Mrs. Chip loved to sing, and she had a beautiful voice to match such a passion.  When I first met her she was singing a song that gave glory to the Lord.  Resonating through the elevator walls, her voice flaunted years of training and experience.  But something else lied behind Mrs. Chip’s cheery exterior, I soon found out.   “How are you today?” I asked one morning, to which she responded, “I feel Dopey”.  Of course, I responded with the proper counter question as to why she felt that way.  The answer ambushed me and shattered my whole perspective of growing old.  The entire discussion was summed up to a little trill of sorrow that escaped her, and Mrs. Chip felt like she was getting old, and senile.  The only difference was, she consciously knew what was happening to her, and she knew why she couldn’t remember or felt lost.  Mrs. Chip was loosing her mind to old age, and Mrs. Chip knew she was fighting a loosing battle. 

I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Chip just hid from the realization by singing, or if it was her default and singing was the only place she could come back to and feel safe.  But now when Mrs. Chip sings a gospel, or an old tune from the thirties, I join in.  Mrs. Chip showed me a different side to getting old, one that I had never even thought of.  I had never been afraid of getting old. 

When I go home, I tell their amazing stories to my friends and family.  I’ve come to realize that it’s the people with stories that make it into the stories of other people. These aren’t just people.  These are people with pasts, and presents, and a hope for the future.  These are people with stories to tell, feelings to share; I want to be the one with stories.  I want to have medals to show off, and elaborate stories to tell for each.  I want to teach others that doing good things that will reward you greatly, and tell them about love that knows no end.  These people, none of them from Hawaii, made me see that there is more out there.  It isn’t just about me.  It’s me and everyone else in this world.

Log of Completed Activities
L  Oct. 13W- Intro to Paper #3: Personal Essay. (Confirmation reply required.)
X  Oct. 18M- Complete readings: all of chapter 12. (Confirmation reply required.)
L  Oct. 20W- Laulima Discussion 1: “Chimera“
X  Oct. 22F- Laulima Discussion 2: “Notes of a Native Speaker“
X  Oct. 25M- Laulima Discussion 3: “Under the Influence“
X  Oct. 27W- Laulima Discussion 4: “Being Brians“
L  Oct. 29F- Laulima Discussion 5: “Warring Memories“ and “Snakebit“
X  Nov. 1M- RD3 due [50 pts] (Confirmation reply required.)
X  Nov. 5F- RD3 Evaluations due [50 pts] (No confirmation reply required.)
X  Nov. 8M- FD3 due [125 pts] (Confirmation reply required.)

ENG 215 FD#3- A Helpful Lie

Kristine Asato

8 November 2010

FD #1           

A Helpful Lie

We take this next step into the world as future leaders.  We will grow into adulthood and parenthood.  Through our future we will be faced with many problems that will question the value of our own ethics.  It is then that we may look back, and remember what it is we have learned.  Little white lies we may have made to friends or teachers have brought us here to the person we are today.  [THESIS] It is the mixture and understanding between a lie and honesty that can create a better future.  [THESIS]

As a child we all grew up around people that we have looked up to and learned from.  As student’s we have done the same.  The chances that our mentors were never completely honest with us, is very high.  But in the end we are better because of it.  Our role models and mentors have taught us valuable lessons, some through lies.  But they also knew how to be honest so that we are better prepared for our future. 

Throughout our younger years, the common lies start out as, there is a Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy are real.  The blunt truth is that our parents did lie to us about these fictional characters.  As we grow older, and are exposed to more of the world, we realize that Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy are in fact fictional.  Thinking about the meaning behind the lies, we are encouraged to lie to our children.  The myth of Santa Clause taught us to be good all year long.  The story about the tooth fairy teaches us to take care of our belongings and we will get rewarded.  The lies of our childhood helped us become better people, and in turn, hopefully better parents. 

As we grew older, we tested the boundaries of our lies, and the rewards of our honesty. In every situation there is a motive to lying and truth.  Growing up we’ve all been there, and as leaders now, we must be able to see what the motivation is.  Some children may see lying as a “temporary shelter from punishment.” states Dr. T. Quek. Dr. Quek goes on to explain that if there is fear in a relationship that causes one to lie, it is important to let it be understood that there are negotiable boundaries.  As future leaders, we must show that we understand and abide by the limitations of said boundaries. As parents, the boundaries are always more flexible.  But as teachers, we are just another test to the next generation.  As teachers, we must tighten those boundaries so that our students are able to enter society with a better understanding of the use of their honesty.

When our children get older, they will enter relationships with other people.  Some intimate, and some merely for company.  If we failed as mentors to teach our children how to be honest, then their relationships with others may be jeopardized. Our children watch what we do with our relationships, and study the way we value each of friendship.  By merely being around others, we are teaching our children.  Since the day they were born, whether they would like to admit it or not, we are our children’s role model. 

One very common example is whether or not you should tell your friend their new girlfriend is a complete cheat and a liar.  In many situations the answer would be to tell your friend everything.  Through an in class discussion, classmate Teryn Tadani goes on to say that “I would rather tell my friend in the beginning before anything gets really serious.” Tadani.  It is always hard to say guarantee whether it is ok to tell the truth or not, because the situations are never the same. The decision will decide the future of both a friendship and an intimate relationship.   But being able to socially analyze this situation and be able to decide whether or not to be honest is a trait that comes from many years of trial and error.  With our help and guidance, our children will be able to make a right decision. 

There may be a situation where it is imperative that our children tell the truth.  Where as sometimes our children may get away with lying, and no one will get hurt. It is because of these situations that we must teach our children not to be afraid of the truth.   As parents and teacher’s we cannot always be there for our children.  We will not be there to hold their hand during their first job interview.  But we can hope that our teachings did not go unheard.  If our children mess up on an interview because they lied, it would fall on us for not teaching them properly.  But being able to know when or how to be honest may get our children a job and will better prepare them for their future.  When our children succeed it is because we succeeded in teaching them the understandings or right and wrong. 

As our children reach adulthood, they will face more complicated problems that we too have faced.  They are dealing with the consequences of truth and a lie.  When a friend asks you a personal question, it is a chance for you either to lie about it or be honest to both your friend and yourself.  For example, a friend asks you “Do you like June?” and you don’t know how to answer.  But confronting even a simple questions like this allows us to, “open a space for the rest of us to confront our own fears and moral shortcuts.”  Schulman.  We faced questions that allowed us to open up even to ourselves.  As our children grow older we must be able to teach them how to be honest with themselves.  

There are many different ways to encourage honesty in our children.  There are books, movies, and activities that can be done.  As the leaders of tomorrow, we must take the initiative to take part in this form of education. Telling the truth all the time is nearly impossible.  But the truth is a very powerful weapon, in the hands of those that know how to use it.  Learning how to lie, and when to be honest is easy with training and practice from the right teachers.  As the future leaders of tomorrow, we must master this art, in order to make our own way into the future.  We must also master it so that we can pass on our knowledge into the future as well.

Quek, Timothy. "The Truth about a Child's Compulsive Lying."  Dr. Timothy K. Quek's Webpage. 8 Apr. 2003. 1 November 2010. <http://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/lies.html>.

Schulman, Miriam.  “Truth and Consequences.”  Markkula Center For Applied Ethics.  2008.  1 November 2010

< http://www.webcitation.org/5iXHGiD2a>

Tadani, Teryn.  Class Discussion.  October 26, 2010

Tsukamoto, Kelli.  Class Discussion.  October 22, 2010

Zak, Dan.  “The Truth About Lying.”  The Washington Post 25 November 2007: The Washington Post Company.  1 November 2010

< http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/21/AR2007112102164.html>

Log of Completed Activities
L  Oct 13W- Intro to Paper #3. Read the Guidelines for Paper #3. (Confirmation reply required.)
X  Oct 18M- Complete readings for paper #3 for paper #3. (Confirmation reply required.)
L  Oct 22F- Laulima Discussion #1
X  Oct 26t- Laulima Discussion #2
L  Nov 1M- RD3 due [50 pts] Review the guidelines. (Confirmation reply required.)
X  Nov 5F- RD3 evaluations due [50 pts] Review the guidelines. (No confirmation required.)
X  Nov 8M- FD3 due [125 pts] Review the guidelines. (Confirmation reply required.)

ENG 215 RD#3- A Helpful Lie

Kristine Asato

1 November 2010

RD #3           

A Helpful Lie

We take this next step into the world as future leaders.  We will grow into adulthood and parenthood.  Through our future we will be faced with many problems that will question the value of our own ethics.  It is then that we may look back on this day, and remember what it is we have learned.  Countless hours of study sessions, and coffee breaks have brought us here.  But lies have also brought us here to.  Little white lies we may have made to friends or teachers, but initially all of it brought us here today.  [THESIS] Honesty paves the way into our future.  [THESIS]

As a child we all grew up around people that we have looked up to and learned from.  As student’s we have done the same.  The chances that our mentors were never completely honest with us, is very high.  But in the end we are better because of it.  Our role models and mentors have taught us valuable lessons, some through lies.  But they also knew how to be honest so that we are better prepared for our future. 

One example, as leaders is right and wrong.  We are teachers, and our students ask us if it’s ok to lie.  There is no right or wrong answer.  But in every situation there is a motive to lying, and as leaders we must be able to see what it is.  If a student or child is lying because of fear of any consequences we must draw the line ourselves.  We must be able to explain the boundaries.  Some children may see lying as a “temporary shelter from punishment.” states Dr. T. Quek.  The child will anticipate their punishment, and lie to avoid it.  Dr. Quek goes on to explain that if there is fear in a relationship that causes one to lie, it is important to let it be understood that there are negotiable boundaries.  As parents, the boundaries are always more flexible.  But as teachers, we are just another test to the next generation.  As teachers, we must tighten those boundaries so that our students are able to enter society with a better understanding of the use of their honesty.

When our children get older, they will enter relationships with other people.  Some intimate, and some merely for company.  If we failed as mentors to teach our children how to be honest, then their relationships with others may be jeopardized.  Our children watch what we do with our relationships, and study the way we value each of friendship.  By merely being around others, we are teaching our children.  Since the day they were born, whether they would like to admit it or not, we are our children’s role model.

One very common example is whether or not you should tell your friend their new girlfriend is a complete cheat and a liar.  In many situations the answer would be to tell your friend everything.  “I would rather tell my friend in the beginning before anything gets really serious…” says classmate Teryn Tadani.  It is always hard to say guarantee whether it is ok to tell the truth or not, because the situations are never the same.  But being able to socially analyze this situation and be able to decide whether or not to be honest is a trait that comes from many years of trial and error.   The decision will decide the future of both a friendship and an intimate relationship.  

There may be a situation where it is imperative that our children tell the truth.  Where as sometimes our children may get away with lying, and no one will get hurt. It is because of these situations that we must teach our children not to be afraid of the truth.   As parents and teacher’s we cannot always be there for our children.  We will not be there to hold their hand during their first job interview, but we can hope that our teachings did not go unheard.  If our children mess up on an interview because they lied, it would fall on us for not teaching them properly.  But being able to know when or how to be honest, may get our children a job and will better prepare them for their future. 

There are many different ways to encourage honesty in our children.  There are books, movies, and activities that can be done.  As the leaders of tomorrow, we must take the initiative to take part in this education.  Honesty may not always be the best policy, but it’s a pretty good one to follow.  When a friend asks you a personal question, it is a chance for you either to lie about it or be honest to both your friend and yourself.  For example, a friend asks you “Do you like June?” and you don’t know how to answer.  But confronting even a simple questions like this allows us to, “open a space for the rest of us to confront our own fears and moral shortcuts.”  Schulman.

Now that we are older, we should be able to determine whether or not a lie is a good or bad choice.  As future leaders is it our job to teach the next generation when it’s ok to use a white lie, or to bluntly tell the truth.  There are many different situations and “every situation is unique and there are ways of justifying omission.”  Claims my classmate Kelli Tsukamoto during a class discussion.  I find this statement to be very true.  Even as adults we may not even be able to decipher the difference.  But we have learned and enough because it has got us to where we stand today.  As parents we may put our children into specific situations, and sometimes even test our children’s ability to make a decision.  We must prepare the future generation. 

The trick is to know when to be honest, and to be able to recognize a situation that demands complete honesty.  Telling the truth all the time is nearly impossible.  But the truth is a very powerful weapon, in the hands of those that know how to use it.  Learning how to lie, and when to be honest is easy with training and practice from the right teachers.  As the future leaders of tomorrow, we must master this art, in order to make our own way into the future.  We must also master it so that we can pass on our knowledge into the future as well.

Quek, Timothy. "The Truth about a Child's Compulsive Lying."  Dr. Timothy K. Quek's Webpage. 8 Apr. 2003. 1 November 2010. <http://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/lies.html>.

Schulman, Miriam.  “Truth and Consequences.”  Markkula Center For Applied Ethics.  2008.  1 November 2010

< http://www.webcitation.org/5iXHGiD2a>

Tadani, Teryn.  Class Discussion.  October 26, 2010

Tsukamoto, Kelli.  Class Discussion.  October 22, 2010

Zak, Dan.  “The Truth About Lying.”  The Washington Post 25 November 2007: The Washington Post Company.  1 November 2010

< http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/21/AR2007112102164.html>

ENG 273- RD3 "Everybody Else"

Kristine Asato

1 November 2010

RD3

Everybody Else

I had met them at different times, and in different rooms, but all of them lived in the same place.  I had just gotten a job at a Care Home filled with over two hundred residents.  Each resident that I took care of on my first day was very kind.  I went through the preliminary “how are you doing today” and that was it.  I was so scared I couldn’t think of anything else to talk about.  But I adapted fast, to my surprise, and become more sociable with each resident.  [THESIS] Little did I know how each story behind each resident would change my perspective on people forever.

[THESIS]

With over two hundred residents, I thought it was going to be impossible to remember everyone.  But during my first few weeks, I met some of these residents, and got to know them.  I didn’t realize it when I first met them, but they would make a lasting impression on the way I look at people.  I won’t judge first and then rule out whether or not I want to get to know them.  I’ll get to know them, and then I’ll be their friend.  These new friends will share their stories, and invite me into a world far vaster then the little one I currently live in.

The first resident I met was Mr. White.  He was more than a little large around the belly.  I learned that he constantly needed help getting up because he couldn’t manage the weight himself.  As I rolled Mr. White out of bed, his stomach followed like a slow avalanche of molasses.  Not wanting to be rude, I tried not to grunt with the effort of getting him up.  Mr. White on the other hand laughed at my efforts.  As if he knew what I was trying to hold back.  His hearty laugh countered with the putrid smell of urine due to his incontinence.  The smell was like a memory smell.  One when, even after you’ve showered with your best Victoria Secrets bath wash, you still smell it, becoming more of a memory than a smell.  But despite his smell, everyone residents and faculty, always said the same thing “Mr. White is such a nice man.”  And they meant it, to its fullest extent.   

A glass case at the foot of Mr. White’s bed displayed medals whose’ colors were altered from age, and so old you couldn’t even read the inscriptions anymore.  I asked Mr. White about it later and he told me that he was in the Army for twenty-five years.  He went on to share with me that he had been around the world five times.  The succeeding questions lead to these answers.  Mr. White lived in Japan for a few years and couldn’t speak a single word.  His favorite place was Hawaii, which explains why Mr. White chose to retire here.  And finally what he wouldn’t give to do it all over again.

I was warned about my next resident, her name was Mrs. Steel.  Before I had even met her, I had an image set in my head.  This snappy old lady, who wanted things to go exactly her way, and would talk your head right off if you didn’t stop her.  Mrs. Steel was exactly as everyone had said she was.  But they left one thing out.  Of all the residents that said thank you and I appreciate what you do, Mrs. Steel was different.  She remembered everything.  Once I had brought Mrs. Steel lemonade from the kitchen and she thanked me for the effort.  The next day when I took her for her walk, she thanked me again, for going out of my way.  It was here I realized Mrs. Steel was not like the other residents.  She seemed completely alert, almost like I was talking to my parents, who were not touched with dementia or senility. 

Our first walk I took her to the library, where we spent the whole time discussing books.  With every step she groaned with the effort, and the simple act of walking seemed like a marathon of breathing for her.  Mrs. Steel loves coffee, so almost every time I smell a freshly brewed pot I think of her.  She would carry a cup in the compartment of her walker, so the smell literally followed us around.  I never drank coffee, but I imagine the relief she felt when she drank it was probably like hot cocoa on a cold night. 

One morning Mrs. Steel asked me to go out of my way and get this man a cup of coffee.  I was exhausted from earlier that day, and I already had to take care of one resident.  Stubbornly she wouldn’t let me walk on unless I did it, so reluctantly I complied.  To my surprise, the man’s reaction to the single cup of coffee was nothing but appreciation.  The sound of his voice was filled with admiration, and I was his super hero for the day.  I learned something from the difficult Mrs. Steel that day.  Behind her rough exterior, was a woman just trying to do some good.

There is a couple that both need our help in being escorted to places, Mr. and Mrs. Beau.  I enjoyed watching them interact with each other.  Mr. Beau would always put his hand out for his wife.  But when I took it to balance him back to his walker, it was cold, as if his hand needed the warmth of his wife to make things better.  A little confused Mr. Beau would look at me and tell me “that’s my wife” his voice strong and assured, and almost protective.  One day I asked Mrs. Beau how long they have been married.  She told me, in her high-pitched foreign accented voice that they were high school sweethearts and had been married for seventy years.  “I never really liked him, but he was very persistent” she continued.  Mrs. Beau then took this opportunity to grab my hand and ask me whether or not I was married.  Her hand was warm from the years of comfort given to her by Mr. Beau.  But when I told her I wasn’t married, she pulled away almost as if the cold from my hands surprised her. 

The next evening, Mr. Beau was going on about his early days.  He was part of the Army for three years, and was married to his wife for fifteen.   Mrs. Beau went on to correct her husband, and with an exasperated breath she tells me without taking her eyes off him “Seventy years is a long time to be married to the same person and still love them.”  And I couldn’t tell whether the look on her face was love, or the calm acceptance that the man she was looking at was no longer the man she loved. 

Mrs. Chip loved to sing, and she had a beautiful voice to match such a passion.  When I first met her she was singing a song that gave glory to the Lord.  Resonating through the elevator walls, her voice flaunted years of training and experience.  But something else lied behind Mrs. Chip’s cheery exterior, I soon found out.   “How are you today?” I asked one morning, to which she responded, “I feel Dopey”.  Of course, I responded with the proper counter question as to why she felt that way.  The answer ambushed me and shattered my whole perspective of growing old.  The entire discussion was summed up to a little trill of sorrow that escaped her, and Mrs. Chip felt like she was getting old, and senile.  The only difference was, she consciously knew what was happening to her, and she knew why she couldn’t remember or felt lost.  Mrs. Chip was loosing to her mind to old age, and Mrs. Chip knew she was fighting a loosing battle. 

I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Chip just hid from the realization by singing, or if it was her default and singing was the only place she could come back to and feel safe.  But now when Mrs. Chip sings a gospel, or an old tune from the thirties, I join in.  Mrs. Chip showed me a different side to getting old, one that I had never even thought of.  I had never been afraid of getting old. 

When I go home, I tell their amazing stories to my friends and family.  I’ve come to realize that it’s the people with stories that make it into the stories of other people. These aren’t just people.  These are people with pasts, and presents, and a hope for the future.  These are people with stories to tell, feelings to share; I want to be the one with stories.  I want to have medals to show off, and elaborate stories to tell for each.  I want to teach others that doing good things that will reward you greatly, and tell them about love that knows no end.  These people, none of them from Hawaii, made me see that there is more out there.  It isn’t just about me.  It’s me and everyone else in this world.